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| central biscayne bay - photo ©jacob katel |
All these millions of dollars heading into Biscayne Bay for restoration, they should let me hold about 50k and see what I do with it.
They need someone to walk the whole shoreline and see what is really going on and I’m the man for the job.
You think some Miami fatcat politician’s gonna do it? A lot of those idiots are too busy at tanning salons on bright sunny days, getting salt water foot scrubs 100 yards from the ocean, and eating imported seaweed salad instead of catching a whiff of what’s coming in the wind.
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They're not on rocks in the heat casting lines out for bait.
They stand on marble flooring catching wire transfers from banks.
No doubt their PR wave will soon produce faulty evidence of what a great job they did with the money.
Ai is gonna be the best thing for corruption since the invention of paper bags and envelopes.
Full documentaries about ecological restoration are gonna be as easy to punch out as the push of a few buttons. But that still won’t make them true, no matter how many people who don't go outside believe it. There is still this pesky thing to deal with called physical reality, which doesn’t care how many stupid likes your dumb political plans get on some silly online poll.
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Sure, they’ll hop in a boat every Saturday and hit the sandbar for an hour, but they not gonna creep deep up in the mosquitos and the sulfur funk and mud and muck and heat and rain and sharks.
That’s everyday people activities and there’s probably at least a few hundred thousand everyday Miamians who would be down to help with actual restoration for a fair day’s pay for a hard day’s work.
Definitely one thousand people earning thirteen thousand dollars each, on their off-time, through hard work are going to have a much greater impact than any plan anyone else has put forth on how to invest the money.
Biscayne Bay just got a 20 million dollar grant for restoration from the state of Florida. But it seems to be going to the wrong projects in the wrong places for the wrong reasons at the wrong time.
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Some greedy nincompoops are gonna probably try to claim it for impact studies and surveys.
Meanwhile, 20 million dollars is enough to invest into around thirteen thousand dollars each into one thousand people to work on the project and still have seven million left over. And that doesn’t mean walking through the mangroves with a garbage bag, which is largely ineffectual. It means finding a way to stop the garbage from ever getting to the shoreline in the first place. And especially working on solutions to the problems of agricultural chemical runoff, mass septic tank seepage, suburban landscape pesticides and fertilizers, and construction pollution.
TWENTY MILLION.
The everyday people should have us a way to earn a piece of that action because the Biscayne Bay belongs to the whole Dade County and therefore it’s gonna take a county wide effort to restore it with a whole lotta people involved. At least as many as it’s taken to mess it up, even though it was mostly the bad decisions of the few that got us here in the first place.
As a matter of fact, it’s a bunch of non-profits and foundations gonna be enriching their own selves to the tune of millions if we are to believe their own plans for the money.
The Key Biscayne independent recently reported on Key Biscayne's rapidly growing 11 billion dollar tax base. They can afford their own pump based stormwater system for "their village."
See, instead of offering the people a true incentive (money) to work on the job of actual Biscayne Bay restoration, they set up a fund that is filtered through a corporation and based on aluminum pressed specialty license plates manufactured by low wage prison slaves. That’s the big opportunity being created for everyday people to get involved. The opportunity to donate money to the very same poor-decision makers whose profit-motive-driven infrastructure projects have created a legacy of environmental problems for over a hundred years now.
And here is the funniest part. Aluminum license plate manufacturing is a strong pollutant that introduces toxic waste byproducts into the environment (air, wind, water). So every single dollar spent on specialty license plate manufacturing to say “I Support Biscayne Bay Restoration” or whatever dumb slogan they come up with (after a check to their cousins PR company) is actually going to be contributing to Biscayne Bay pollution, or pollution somewhere else that leads to pollution here.
You can’t solve pollution with pollution, it will never work. Are you stupid or something?
Think about it like your house and your kitchen. Can you wash you dirty dishes with dirty water to make them clean. No. Not even with soap.
Dirty water, dirty dishes. Dirty water, dirty fishes.
Wake up stupids! What are you doing? All those dumb foundation boards are mostly networking opportunities for rich new yorkers who just got here and wouldn’t know a seagrass from a landmass.
Want to hear something stupid? Jeff Bezo's island that he lives on, Indian Creek Island, is less than one mile from the actual dirtiest, filthiest, fecal coliform filled water in all Florida, Park View Kayak Launch. If he or his neighbor's houses don't smell like caca poopoo pee pee already, they probably soon will.
Dear retarded billionaires, you have to pay local taxes here, and you’re not doing it right. Supposedly there are fifteen billionaires in Miami. Each of them has to donate 10 million dollars to Biscayne Bay restoration or else every meal they eat is going to taste like shit, every time they step outside, they will step in vomit, every time they get in a car, the chauffeur will fart and lock the windows, every time they get a bottle at the club, it’s going to contain watered down low shelf alcohol. Every time they go to the gym, they’re gonna catch warts on their foot. Every time they go to get a breath of fresh air, they’re gonna choke on a cough. Every time they sneeze, they’re gonna shart their pants. This is simply an educated guess. I’m not a fortune teller and I don’t believe in augury, but if you watch the birds around here, you can deduce a lot of probability through simple logic and deductive reasoning. I’m just a man of the earth and I seen this a hundred times, and so have millions of other people down here laughing at how stupid idiots can be sometimes.
You need to break bread with the fishermen, with the watery families, with the generational South Floridians who know the Bay and what’s wrong with it, at scale. There are almost 75,000 registered boats here. Some of them are stupider than others, but many of them know way more than everybody on land about what is happening in the bay. Do not waste $750,000 to “Assess the feasibility of using hybrid reefs to combat erosion on key biscayne shoreline” Spend it on planting and cultivating mangrove trees, which have purpose built and scientifically proven shoreline erosion controlling capabilities for millions of years. Whatever dumb company your so called hybrid reef building cousin owns, take a loan out and assess the feasibility on your own dime.
The thing they’re not telling you is that in general, rich people hate mangroves because they say it messes up their waterfront views, which exhibits a level of stupidity normally reserved for the type of dummies who don’t know a channel marker from a tree trunk, and are liable to crash into either one every time they get behind a wheel.
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The non-profit company hurdle in disbursing restoration fund is going to absolutely be the least efficient method of getting anything productive actually done.
The money will be wasted and it will have no real net positive effect.
Thirteen thousand dollars to a million Miamians for actual work. Thirteen Billion Dollars. That is what it takes. That is a plan of action. That is how you get things done. That is how we fix Biscayne Bay.
There are only 14,000 people on Key Biscayne, why are they already claiming more of the money than everybody else. All for a barely one mile area north to south and east to west of residential housing. Something is fishy and it’s starting to stink.