how to beat Iran to end the war (satire)

America is at war with Iran and that's a fact

 

Toohrong'z soulless despotic and scuzzmuck leaders are worth less than a low down dirty cess pool of piss soaked rags and dumfucksterupidism



I'm not into war, but they're the enemy of the USA nation whether I like it or not, so that means I'm fighting for the USA

 

Bombs don't kill terrorisms though, they just turn it into propaghanda 

 

The Uranian psycho tyrant damnatollah's are so busy making drones they gotta be watching pirate file neckflitz movies while they work

 

They're not good time sheiks from the people's tribes, they're shit-stain pip squeaks with a sweeter side

 

Those blood-mug dung beetles should be easier to swat than a fly off camel shit at an oasis for a barbecue, but they're not 

 

Sure we've got heavy metal

 

But those subterranean spelunkers are buried so deep cave-side, we'll need more than a bunker buster

 

They've got a thousand miles of Zagros Mountains covering a fifth of their rocky country

 

We gotta strike their diabolical diabetical diastolical weakness

 

Coca Cola

 

Hit the bastardos right in the sweet tooth

 

Find their caterer, find the caterer's purchaser, get a mole to sell a deal on wholesale sugar

 

Arab trader's can't resist a haggle on a deal

 

Cut the ingredients with benzo's, not fentanyl, you don't wanna kill the bakers

 

Sandtrap their candy packs and let those sweet-treet loving idiots doom their selves in the comfort of their sugar date shacks 

 

They're a bunch of sally anne jump drive screen-face video heads

 

Those inside traitors have a greenish tint of pale from all the crt screen tube light tannins to their stonebound tomb like camping forts 

 

Custom booby trapped USB entertainment jump drives with hidden gsm and SIM cards could turn their widescreen plasma tv's into microphones that can text live ai transcripts over long distances

 

2.4ghz wifi can travel through stone cave walls a foot at a time

 

Send a ten mile long fiber optic line on an autonomous sand spider wiggle drone the size of a matchbook to plant mesh repeaters

 

Hide tags and sensors in the false bottoms of lotions and wet wipes 


Use a limestone rock to tag a javascrip enabled QR code into the side of a mountain that's already festooned in foreign writing and point it to an SQL pak inflection when a phone cam scanz it


tell centcom to ask those amazon firestick and i think landline hackers who took over slack from a hotel room between trial hearings how to do it, they could probably destroy iran from a red proof inn in tampa for the cost of time served and unlimited taco bell and mountain dew code red

 

Hold the lettuce